


Brother's Keeper

by Caprichoso



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Gen, Mild Gore, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-04
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-07-12 06:39:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7089307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caprichoso/pseuds/Caprichoso
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Illumi is Killua's protector; he will keep his little brother safe, even from Illumi's own mistakes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Brother's Keeper

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a character exploration, a personal headcanon as to why Illumi acts the way he does... and by extension, why none of the other Zoldyck children act similarly.
> 
> Thanks to overlyattachedillumi on Tumblr for being a sounding board for names, and for inspiring me to flesh this out and publish it.
> 
> Warnings: death (not major character), gore, misplaced familial devotion. As I've said in my other stories focusing on the Zoldycks, this is not a healthy or happy family.

Illumi watched the gentle rise and fall of Killua's chest, marveling at how even such a headstrong child could look so angelic while sleeping. His baby brother's mouth hung slightly agape, breathing already as steady and silent as would be expected of him for years to come. Their family's training was rigorous, to say the least, but Killua had taken to the conditioning naturally, a prodigy among prodigies.    
  
Still, despite his knack for the business, Killua's impetuous nature surfaced on occasion, refusing to be quelled even as it threatened his ties to their family. Chief among his acts of rebellion were his forays into the town beneath, his attempts to find friends his own age. Illumi had done the same, once; given where it had led him, he could predict where it would take Killua.   
  
It was only a matter of time before the search for friendship damaged Killua. Friends hurt, friends betrayed, lied, left. And if they didn't...   
  


* * *

  
__ Green eyes went wide, brow furrowed in confusion as lips moved silently. Illumi had seen that expression before- eyes that fumbled for understanding even as they clouded over- but it didn't belong here. Not now, not with Deran. Illumi hadn't touched him, would never-   
  
A wet, slurping crunch echoed through the alley, and Illumi's gaze darted reflexively over his friend's shoulder. As he recognized the figure standing there, his stomach clenched. He looked down at Deran's chest, searching for the telltale spread of crimson, but there was nothing. Of course. With Father, there was never a drop.   
  
Deran toppled forward, and Illumi caught him in his arms, kneeling down and lowering him until his head rested in Illumi's lap. Seconds passed, too full of agony and confusion to gauge their passing accurately. Finally, Illumi looked up at Father and asked the question those green eyes had screamed into his. "Why?"   
  
"He was going to betray you, Illumi." Father's voice was hard, brooking no argument. Deran's heart, so vibrant and full of life that Illumi had often wished for his to beat just the same, dropped to the filthy pavement. It still twitched, unaware that its efforts were wasted. "He was being paid by a group of assassins hired to kill our family. His job was to get close to you, gain your trust, then allow the assassins to exploit it."   
  
No, no, Deran had never asked about their family, never once wanted to do anything but play games like other children. He was the only one who had ever treated Illumi like a normal boy. "No, you're wrong," Illumi began, shaking his head, but was cut off as Father crossed his arms.   
  
"I tried to teach you this lesson, Illumi, but you refused to learn, so now you've learned the hard way. There is no one, not a single person in the world outside of our family, whom you can trust. Not even our butlers, much less a strange boy from town." Father bent down, bringing their faces level. Icy blue eyes bored into Illumi's soul, drilling the message in permanently. "You do not need friends. You do not want friends. Friends serve no purpose for a Zoldyck."   
  
Illumi's rage and grief howled in his chest, gathering his hands into fists unbidden. Tears welled up, burning hot and begging to be shed, but he turned his face upwards and blinked them back as best he could. "Yes, Father," he whispered, voice too ragged to be trusted with a louder reply.   
  
"Good," Father said, extending his hand. "Now, come with me. Come home, Illumi. And do not dare to shed a tear for this so-called friend of yours. Your family is all you need."   
  
The entire world condensed into the space between the two Zoldycks, time standing still, waiting for Illumi to breathe. And breathe he did.    
  
Breath. _Illumi banished the tears from his eyes._ __  
  
Breath. _He visualized a wall, vast and impenetrable, between himself and his pain._ __  
  
Breath. _He placed his sadness behind the wall._ __  
  
Breath. _Anger._ __  
  
Breath. _Doubt._ __  
  
Deeper breath. _All emotions, negative and positive, behind the wall._ __  
  
The Zoldyck meditation technique was complete, and yet an idea hovered in Illumi's mind, a way to ensure he would never have to suffer this way again. One more breath, and a flame ignited behind the wall in his mind, licking at the edges of every emotion he had stored there. In time, it would grow to an inferno, destroying everything in its path. Not a single sentiment would remain- only the scorched earth of his psyche.   
  
It was better this way. No hope, no despair, no love, no hate- with nothing to feel, he would be better equipped to serve his family.   
  
Face blank, eyes empty, Illumi rose to his feet, letting the corpse fall the rest of the way to the ground. Rather than take the proffered hand, he merely nodded. "Yes, Father," he said in the monotone that would remain with him forever.   
  


* * *

  
As Illumi stared at his baby brother, his resolve strengthened once again. The only thing to grow from the ashes of Illumi's walled-off heart had been a sense of duty, a need to protect his brother, the heir. After seeing what Illumi had become, Mother and Father had decided that the ability to experience emotions was crucial, and so they nurtured them in Killua wherever they felt it appropriate in spite of the drawbacks. Killua was reckless, headstrong, even more so than Illumi had been all those years ago. He would surely find a friend sooner or later, regardless of their family's rules. Father would not do as he had done with Deran, not after the effect it had had on Illumi; once Killua made a friend, he would be allowed to keep them. And knowing Killua, that friend would be someone who challenged him, someone who raced headlong into danger in the name of fun.    
  
Killua's friend would get him killed one day. And Illumi could not allow that.   
  
Examining the needle glinting between his fingers, Illumi weighed his options. A mind control that was too powerful, that too strongly contravened Killua's nature, would either fail or damage him permanently. Puppets had their uses, certainly, but his brother was too precious. It had to be a subtle control, something that blended with Killua's own survival instincts.   
  
Illumi could not prevent Killua from making a friend, but he could at least prevent him from dying at his friend's side.   
  
Kneeling at his little brother's bedside, Illumi set the correct parameters for his Nen and positioned the needle at Killua's forehead. Killua whimpered in his sleep, face contorting in fear and discomfort as the metal pierced skin and bone, and Illumi made shushing noises to reassure the boy, one hand stroking silver-white hair. It was over in an instant, but Illumi let his hand continue stroking for a few seconds longer, until Killua's expression returned to a semblance of peace.   
  
As he crept from the room, Illumi allowed himself a hint of satisfaction, or as close to it as he could remember. Killua was safe; Illumi was a good brother.


End file.
